It is said when t you are in a relationship, that whoever the person was, (personality, behaviors habits), when you met them, you should not expect them to “change” later on. Accept them for who they are.
I wonder though, after being in a relationship for a few years, when kids come in to play, but weren’t there before, job demands increase, responsibilities increase and the demands on your life becomes overwhelming, isn’t it just normal to expect changes and adjustments in behaviors and attitudes from your partner? If he/ she went out often with friends, spent frivolously shouldn’t these behaviors change or decrease? Shouldn’t they adjust their time to spend as much time with the kids as the other partner does? Oh and time with just their partner.
As these demands grow and life changes, it is the responsibility of each spouse to make adjustments. If both spouse are employed,  it is important when you have a child to discuss and take turns with doctors appts, practice (baseball ,soccer ,dance) and homework help.
The problems arise when one partner does not communicate when they feel the other is not pulling their weight, or when they do communicate their feelings, it drips with sarcasm and anger. At this point, the resentment is already deep routed, intimacy dies, the bedroom is cold because you think “he/she is not the person I fell for.”
Reality is, if you care about keeping your family intact and care about positive energy in your home, you WILL need to make changes even if  “that’s not who I was” when your partner met you. Remember, that not how your LIFE was when you met them.





  1. Raya Robinson

    I must say this is a good topic. But I think you touched most of peoples problems when you said discuss. Most people don’t discuss these things or their expectations before hand and so there is disappointment. Most times it is the women who have this problem but did we ever sit down with the man and talk about what we wanted or what they wanted. Do we see them for who they are or do we see them for what we want? It takes a level of maturity for a person to change with the times and grow with the situation. You should know if that person is capable before jumping into marriage or having children. We are disappointed most times because we never took the time to talk about the future or the roles we want to play and now we are stuck to do everything on our own.

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